Abuto’s First Trogg Killin’ Spree

Abuto The Sneaky here, reportin live from Azeroth. Feel free ta call me “Abby,” but if ya call me “Boot” or “Toe,” you’ll get de same ting in a darrrrk, intimate place, mon. I’m jus’ sayin.

I be part o’ de Green Poxed group in Pox Arcanum. Green be perfect for me cuz my hair be green, my skin be green, and many times I get da green stuff stuck between my tusks.

So me and da odder Greenies went into a cave underneet Orgrimmar last night to practice killin de troggs dat root around down dere. Not sure what dey doin down dere, exactly. It be mighty hot and filled wit lava. Maybe dey tinks it be a sauna for dere health? Well, after we got tru wit dem, dey dint have much health to sauna anyways.

“Surprise Troggs Are The Worst”

Anyhow, dem troggs needed killin, so we stepped up for da task, mon. Sumyerki led us tru da cave and he did a mighty fine job of it too. Some say he be bossy, but hey mon, I’m so laid back dat if you don’t order me around sometimes I might forget what we dere for. Besides, most o’ dem Blood Elves be like dat and I be mostly used to it by now. (I believe in diversity, mon. ) Only time I got confused was when he be changin what de Blue Square mean. Stealth? No stealth? I kept fadin in and out so many times I almost joined Elips’s imp in Phase Shift limbo land. (Hey, I like de limbo! Maybe dat wouldn’t be so bad!) De first few times I stealthed in, I aggroed about 4 bajillion troggs behind me (we trolls be good at countin) so I’d have to run screamin’, “AAAAHHHhhhhhh!!!” over to Raamah for help. My group kept yelling at me to “feint!” but you know I be a hearty gal and I don’t swoon easily. I had no idea why dey’d want me to faint on purpose anyways. Maybe I’ll learn about fainting when I get older.

“All Pensive and Cowish”

Eventually, tho, I got de hang of runnin around behind da smelly troggs dat Raamah was poundin on so I could make wit da stabbity-stabbity on their mangy little backs. All I could see back dere was arses and elbows, which I promptly sliced. For his pains, Raamah got a nice green belt. It had a large buckle on it, like you see dose guys named Rock and Rocky and Rock Lobsta and such wearin when dey get nekkid and trow each odder around da ring. It be rather flatterin to him, I tink. You can see for yerself here in dis picture I took. (I always carry my camera into caves for, you know, research purposes. It be fittin nicely in my red Daxe5Ave bag.) Raamah’s all heroic and the other Greenies are too.

Elips always have de way of describin’ tings jus’ perfect.

What everyone was lookin’ at was dis dead Tauren mon in a cave. We’d come ta rescue him but it appeared we be too late. He’d been jumped by a level 16 elite trogg and his cronies. It made me sad ta look at him lyin’ dere. Especially when Raamah, our own Tauren, ended up lyin’ right next to de odder one — in da same pose! Havin’ dated my share o’ Taurens, dis was a sad sight for my eyes. (You know what dey say, “Once you go Cow, you never go back.” Except in my case, where I be goin back to whatever man I tinks I can slice if dey do me wrong. And cows slice up good.) Fortunately, we had 2 priests so it was easy to rez him up again. (De odder guy, not so much.)

In fact, our shadow priest, Wulfa, be so confident in her voodoo skills dat she don’t even wear much clothes to da party! I be kinda shocked at first, tinkin, “Dat elf be crazy! She gonna get scratches all over her tiny ears!” And she be dancin’ and flirtin wit de troggs — right before she smited em into da hereafter. Dat’s confidence, I tell ya, mon. I tink she only died once, tho, so dat must be a testament to the power of Belf undies. She may still be crazy, but I unda-stand why she don’t need no armor. She be badass!

“That Troll Chicken Emote is Awesome”

When I be runnin’ away from dose first troggs, flappin my arms and squawkin like a chicken, Elips tot it be funny and made his own chicken sounds. For me, seein a Forsaken mon doin a chicken dance makes me tink of KFC. (See? I be easily distracted, like I tole you, mon!)

Elips did some amazing imp drivin’ last night. His imp be named Biznar — and dat’s what he was, all biznar. (Dat be da right word? Ya, I tink so.) Elips drove dat imp right up in da trogg’s biznar and had him waggle his floppy paws at dem till dey come runnin right into our swords an’ spells. I ain’t ever tried imp driving, but dem tings don’t even walk good, so dey must be very hard ta drive! Odders have told about Elips’s blue dude, Thog, so I will leave you ta read dat yerself. O’course we really didn’t need de imp to drive up to pull the troggs once I remembered I had brought along some axes in my bag. I’d just trow dat axe right at dere noggins and it be a ting of beauty.

Even tho we didn’t finish da whole cave, I still feel it was a success since no one fell in the lava. In fact, I tink I’m now gonna call my hairdo a PWNY TALE!

Taz’dingo!